1. The Silence of the Jams. Not Thomas, but Joanne Harris's touching tale of a deaf, lonely middle-aged woman finding solace and romance in the Women's Institute.
2. A Wizard of Girth (C). Third book in the bestselling Girth series of weight-loss manuals.
3. The Colour of Tragic - the Emo Handbook.
4. The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Valrhona. Douglas Adams's classier follow-up.
5. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheik? Blade Runner, the Arab version.
6. The War of the Whirleds. Salman Rushdie's Booker Prize winning novel about rivalry in the Dervish community in 18th century Istanbul.
7. The First Men in the Toon. No holds barred account of Kevin Keegan's return to Newcastle United.
8. The Unpleasantness at the Colonic Club. What really goes on at an upmarket health spa. Foreword by 'Dr' Gillian McKeith.
9. The Left Hand of Harkness. Torchwood spin-off novel. When his hand gets cut off, Captain Jack is shocked to find it takes on a life of its own and gets up to all sorts of strange activities, none of which involve sex of any kind.
10. The Thirty-Nine Depps. The producers of 'Pirates of the Caribbean' come up with the perfect way to get more women to watch their new film.
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2. A Wizard of Girth (C). Third book in the bestselling Girth series of weight-loss manuals.
3. The Colour of Tragic - the Emo Handbook.
4. The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Valrhona. Douglas Adams's classier follow-up.
5. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheik? Blade Runner, the Arab version.
6. The War of the Whirleds. Salman Rushdie's Booker Prize winning novel about rivalry in the Dervish community in 18th century Istanbul.
7. The First Men in the Toon. No holds barred account of Kevin Keegan's return to Newcastle United.
8. The Unpleasantness at the Colonic Club. What really goes on at an upmarket health spa. Foreword by 'Dr' Gillian McKeith.
9. The Left Hand of Harkness. Torchwood spin-off novel. When his hand gets cut off, Captain Jack is shocked to find it takes on a life of its own and gets up to all sorts of strange activities, none of which involve sex of any kind.
10. The Thirty-Nine Depps. The producers of 'Pirates of the Caribbean' come up with the perfect way to get more women to watch their new film.