Actuarial jokes

[wellinghall]

f(x)=6x+3 walks into a bar.
“Got any sandwiches?” f(x)=6x+3 asks the barman.
“Sorry,” he replies, “We don’t cater for functions.”

Top 6 things you will never hear an actuary say:
6. I have a hot date tonight.
5. I got a lot out of that marketing meeting.
4. Our prices are too high.
3. Just throw out that large loss; it’ll never happen again.
2. We’ve got to take more chances here.
1. We can expect your favourable trend to continue indefinitely.

Q: Why does a heavy metal fan want to become an actuary?
A: He wants to be paid for predicting death and destruction.

Comments

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

The first one reminds me of the frayed knot joke.

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot

[thecatsamuel.livejournal.com]

These are getting worse :)

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

:-)

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you ... :-)

[alitalf.livejournal.com]

<giggle>

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

:-)

[jane-somebody.livejournal.com]

And then there's the tarmac joke.

A piece of tarmac walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The barman says he's sorry but he doesn't serve pieces of tarmac. At that moment a piece of red tarmac walks into the bar and demands a beer, and the barman serves him immediately. Once he's taken his drink over to a table, the first piece of tarmac queries the barman: "I thought you said you didn't serve pieces of tarmac?" "Yeah, well, I'm not gonna argue with *him*," replies the barman. "He's a cyclepath!"

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

:-)