Musings of an aging fan

1: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1043838.html

2: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1054579.html

3: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1180589.html

4: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1177837.html

5: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1178160.html

6: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1178435.html

7: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1179769.html

8: http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/1179967.html

"Observe, Hastings! First, there were many leaks from the water pipes on the dirigible; this we know from the good, if somewhat lecherous, Dowager Duchess, and also from the young man we met at the Hare and Hounds in Alexandra Palace.

"Second, the weather on that trip was very cold; literally freezing, as the Duchess said.

"And what do you get when you have leaking pipes and freezing weather?"

*************

"Well, ice, I suppose."

*************

"Bravo, Hastings! Your little grey cells are working well this evening.

"Third, there were pipes for the ballast water above the false ceilings of the cabins. Again, the young man told us this.

"So, suppose there was a leak from one of these water pipes, with the water coming out drip by drip, and freezing as it did so. An icicle would form below the pipe. And then, as the dirigible lurched upward, the icicle was dislodged, and fell into the cabin below ... straight into the chest of pauvre Mr Habbakuk Jepherson. And then, on the descent to warmer airs, the icicle melted ... leaving nothing but the damp patch on Mr Jepherson's clothes, noted by the Times."

**************

"But Poirot, what about the leak? Wouldn't the water start to come out again when the dirigible descended?"

**************

"No, Hastings, it would not; for the simple reason that there was no water left; all of the ballast had been discharged.

"It was merely a series of unfortunate events. One fears that the Vinland and Norumbega Rail Road's business will take some time to recover; indeed, their stock price has fallen since the accident, while that of the Polar & Occidental steam ship company, and of the Cambridge, United Norfolk, Aldeburgh, Rendlesham and Dunwich transport company, has risen markedly."

*************

"But Poirot, I've got stock in the VNRR!"

**************

"Really, mon ami? Then it is fortunate that I have stock in the Polar & Occidental, as that means I can afford to buy you dinner at Le Bon Bourgeois. And I think it is one of the evenings when your favourite red-headed waitress will be working there ... "

"Did you discover anything at the scene of the crime, Poirot?"

"There has been no crime, mon ami."

"But Mr Habbakuk Jepherson is dead, isn't he? I mean, we saw the newsreels and everything."

"Not every dead man means that a crime has been committed, Hastings. If it did, there would be an extra forty thousand crimes every day, and that is more than even Poirot could deal with."

"So what did happen, Poirot?"

"Ah, Hastings! You have read the same newspaper reports as I have; you have seen the same letter from the good Dowager Duchess; you, too, have travelled on the London Flyer in happier times. It is true that I have visited Alexandra Palace today; but that merely confirmed what I already suspected. The only difference, Hastings, is that you do not apply the little grey cells.

"I tell you again, Hastings, no crime has been committed. Yes, Mr Habbakuk Jepherson us dead; yes, he died a sudden death; and yes, that death occurred when something pierced his heart. But no hand was behind that blade; and no-one will hang for it; no-one will be held to account. It is true that there has been a regrettable accident; and it is hoped that there will be changes. But a crime? No, mon ami.

"And now, have the goodness to keep quiet and let me drink my sirop in peace."

"LONDON FLYER: THE MYSTERY DEEPENS"

"POLICE STILL CONFIDENT"

"The midweek London Flyer dirigible airship service is still detained at its Alexandra Palace mooring*, following the discovery of a dead body in one of the cabins. The body is believed to be that of a passenger, Mr Jepherson Habbakuk of Salt Lake City, Utah. In his capacity as an agent for the Vinland and Norumbega Rail Road in both continents, Mr Habbakuk was a regular traveller on the dirigible service, and will have been a familiar sight to those of our readers who frequented the Alexandra Palace terminal.

"We understand from the London Flyer offices that the dirigible had been forced to fly at a greater altitude than normal, in order to pass above the storms encountered over the Atlantic Ocean last week. In common with other passengers, Mr Habbakuk was confined to his cabin during this period, to make use of the oxygen provided. However, Mr Habbakuk did not leave his cabin when the dirigible descended towards the coast of England, and was found there when a search was undertaken after the other passengers had disembarked.

"Beyond this, no official communications have been issued. However, we understand from a senior employee of the company that Mr Habbakuk had been stabbed in the heart by a stiletto. The only other clue is that Mr Habbakuk's clothing was a little damp, although this could have been caused by rain entering the porthole of the cabin at an earlier stage of the voyage.

"One's first thought is naturally to blame the notorious air pirates. However, the service had a full complement of gunners on this occasion, and even those gunners defending the second-class passengers were fully trained. It is, therefore, difficult to see how the pirates could have gained access to Mr Habbakuk's cabin without being observed.

"Others may suspect the renegade Jarl of Akureyri. It is true that he has confined his attentions of late to raiding the submersibles of the Danish federation, frequently using his specially trained attack-narwhals. However, such a dangerous criminal can never be ignored for long in any sphere, and we urge our government to re-double their efforts to bring this miscreant to justice.

"The London police force are actively engaged on the case, and are confident of making an arrest."

"*Details of the revised timetables being operated by cross-Atlantic dirigible, surface, and submersible services can be found on page 12."

I dragged myself upwards from the deep sea of sleep, through the lightening green and blue to the shallows, and then to the surface. As I did so, I saw Ned's face as he bent over me, boater at the most perfect angle, smiling and then pursing his lips for ...

And I woke, and I was in my bed in Holywell Manor, alone. Damn! Still, it was only another three weeks until the wedding; and Lady Schrapnell had promised to hide the bishop's birdstump entirely with flowers.

"Perrt? PERRT?" And there was Penwiper, wanting strokes, and cuddles, and breakfast.

In this busy modern world, we all need to send urgent messages from time to time. Maybe you need to instruct your broker in Leifsbudir to buy shares in this season’s hot stock tip, the Vinland and Norumbega Rail Road. Or you might want to place an order with the Muscovy and Archangel Tea Emporium for your favourite blend of Russian Anachronist Gundpower tea, “The Tea that goes with a Bang,” and Lunar Apennine Broken Orange Pekoe. Or perhaps it is that most important of personal missives, a birthday wish to your nephew, toiling away on the family’s behalf at your Narhwal-training establishment in the Barents Sea.

In such important circumstances, why entrust your vital correspondence to that outmoded form of communication, the dirigible airship? Prone to delay from contrary winds as well as attack by the dreaded air pirates, you can never be sure that your order will reach the tea emporium in time; and if it doesn’t, they might run out, and you will be condemned to the horror of drinking a naive domestic Earl Grey from the tea-slopes of Jan Mayen. If your instruction to your broker is delayed, the market may have turned, and the VNRR’s expansion into the North-West Spanish Confederation’s lands run into some serious faults. And if your nephew’s birthday letter goes astray, he will think you have turned your back on him, and may defect to the Jarl of Akureyri – with his valuable trained Narwhals!

So instead, use the latest means of communication available – the Arctic* Heliograph! Flashed from signal station to signal station, your message can be in Leifsbudir in as little as eight hours, and in the Barents Sea in only four! Your message will be sent on by highly-trained technicians, each equipped with the most modern equipment and warmest of clothing, and assisted by skilled squads of arctic foxes** and barnacle geese**.

Send your messages the safe way – the secure way – the fast way – and above all the modern way. Be the envy of your neighbours, and use the Arctic* Heliograph!

*In the winter months, messages will be sent through our southern associates, the Antarctic Heliograph. Message times will be increased by a factor of ten.

**Applications welcome from anyone with a proven talent for keeping arctic foxes and barnacle geese apart.

( Part one: In which our heroes meet )

ETA: Comments welcome!

From this post:
http://wellinghall.livejournal.com/447404.html

2. In the 1970s, an investigation being conducted by Superintendent Dalziel and Sergeant Pascoe encroaches onto UNIT territory. The presence of the third doctor is essential; that of an assistant is optional.

4. In the mid-1920s, JRR Tolkien, CS Lewis, Anthony Eden and Alec-Douglas Home find themselves having dinner together in Oxford. Fictional characters who were also in Oxford at the time may be introduced.

And:

A. A Sir Gawain story as written by Jane Austen

B. For that matter, Richard Sharpe, while back in England, gets mixed up in a Jane Austen story!

C. James Bond intrudes on one of George Smiley's operations