Two Poems by Hillaire Belloc

[wellinghall]

Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.

Lord Lucky, by a curious fluke,
Became a most important duke.
From living in a vile hotel
A long way east of Camberwell
He rose in less than half an hour
To riches, dignity and power.
It happened in the following way : --
The Real Duke went out one day
To shoot with several people, one
Of whom had never used a gun.
This gentleman (a Mr Meyer
Of Rabley Abbey, Rutlandshire),
As he was scrambling through the brake,
Discharged his weapon by mistake,
And plugged about an ounce of lead
Piff-bang into his Grace's head --
Who naturally fell down dead.
His heir, Lord Ugly, roared, 'You Brute!
Take that to teach you how to shoot!'
Whereat he volleyed left and right;
But being somewhat short of sight,
His right-hand barrel only got
The second heir, Lord Poddleplot;
The while the left-hand charge (or choke)
Accounted for another bloke,
Who stood with an astounded air
Bewildered by the whole affair
-- And was the third remaining heir.
After the Execution (which
Is something rare among the Rich)
Lord Lucky, while of course, he needed
Some help to prove his claim, succeeded.
-- But after his succession, though
All this was over years ago,
He only once indulged the whim
Of asking Meyer to lunch with him.