Two Poems by Hillaire Belloc

[wellinghall]

Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.

Lord Lucky, by a curious fluke,
Became a most important duke.
From living in a vile hotel
A long way east of Camberwell
He rose in less than half an hour
To riches, dignity and power.
It happened in the following way : --
The Real Duke went out one day
To shoot with several people, one
Of whom had never used a gun.
This gentleman (a Mr Meyer
Of Rabley Abbey, Rutlandshire),
As he was scrambling through the brake,
Discharged his weapon by mistake,
And plugged about an ounce of lead
Piff-bang into his Grace's head --
Who naturally fell down dead.
His heir, Lord Ugly, roared, 'You Brute!
Take that to teach you how to shoot!'
Whereat he volleyed left and right;
But being somewhat short of sight,
His right-hand barrel only got
The second heir, Lord Poddleplot;
The while the left-hand charge (or choke)
Accounted for another bloke,
Who stood with an astounded air
Bewildered by the whole affair
-- And was the third remaining heir.
After the Execution (which
Is something rare among the Rich)
Lord Lucky, while of course, he needed
Some help to prove his claim, succeeded.
-- But after his succession, though
All this was over years ago,
He only once indulged the whim
Of asking Meyer to lunch with him.

Comments

[parrot-knight.livejournal.com]

Lord Lucky's career anticipates, a little, that of Louis D'Ascoyne Mazzini in Kind Hearts and Coronets.

[camillofan.livejournal.com]

Not to mention King Ralph

[parrot-knight.livejournal.com]

From what I've heard of it, I'd really rather not mention it...

[camillofan.livejournal.com]

As I recall, it had a certain "it is what it is" charm. But no Alec Guinness

[malaheed.livejournal.com]

Not to mention it is best

[miss-t-ide.livejournal.com]

But Lord Lucky didn't actually kill any of his predecessors himself which, I think, puts him on higher moral ground...

[knitting-hobbit.livejournal.com]

These are great! :-)

[segh.livejournal.com]

I like Charles Augustus Fortescue, myself.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

I don't think I knew that one.

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Charles Augustus Fortescue

The nicest child I ever knew
Was Charles Augustus Fortescue.
He never lost his cap, or tore
His stockings or his pinafore:
In eating Bread he made no Crumbs,
He was extremely fond of sums,

To which, however, he preferred
The Parsing of a Latin Word--
He sought, when it was within his power,
For information twice an hour,

And as for finding Mutton-Fat
Unappatising, far from that!
He often, at his Father's Board,
Would beg them, of his own accord,

To give him, if they did not mind,
The Greasiest Morsels they could find--
His Later Years did not belie
The Promise of his Infancy.
In Public Life he always tried
To take a judgement Broad and Wide;

In Private, none was more than he
Renowned for quiet courtesy.
He rose at once in his Career,
And long before hus Fortieth Year

Had wedded Fifi, Only Child
Of Bunyan, First Lord Aberfylde.
He thus became immensely Rich,
And built the Splendid Mansion which

Is called The Cedars, Muswell Hill,
Where he resides in affluence still,
To show what everybody might
Become by SIMPLY DOING RIGHT.

though I didn't remember it all off the top of my head, I had to look it up. I note that there was a time when eating mutton fat was considered a virtue in a child.